A secret letter has been discovered where the father of Donald J. Trump bestows his wisdom upon young Donnie. We now know why Donald Trump is not called Joe, Pete, or anything.
The letter conveyed fatherly advice on how to tackle the world. Knowing that Donald had trouble remembering things, the letter also gave Donnie a trick to remember the wise words by. The trick was that all words of Fred Trump's advice started with a D.
This is the letter that Little Donnie got on his 18th birthday:
"Dear son,
The old Romans already knew that the world wanted to be Deceived, so deceive it and you will come out on top.
Now, if anyone finds you out, remember the first letter of your name and do what that letter tells you. First Distance yourself from it. If that does not work or happens to be impossible, Do the following:
- Deny (you knew or Deny it was bad)
- Distort (by creating chaos) or, even better, Distract (by creating bigger chaos elsewhere)
- Delay
If that does not help, then pick any or all of the following Devices and Do that.